The Stale Invitational
The Dopeler Effect, and Other New Words
Back in 1998, the Washington Post’s Style Invitational column
(1999 and older;
current revival) column
titled “The Stale Invitational” (July 12/Week 278, no longer on-line) asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. The winners were
listed in Week 281 of the column.
You may also enjoy reading the Style
Invitational Losers Home Page.
Here are the winners:
- foreploy
- (Fifth Runner-Up)
Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex. (Greg Oetjen, Lorton)
- fortissimoe
- (Fourth Runner-Up)
The musical moment produced when someone serially slaps the faces of the first-violin section. (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)
- tatyr
- (Third Runner-Up)
A lecherous Mr. Potato Head. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
- doltergeist
- (Second Runner-Up)
A spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank. (David Genser, Arlington)
- giraffiti
- (First Runner-Up)
Vandalism spray-painted very, very high, such as the famous “Surrender Dorothy” on the Beltway overpass.
(Robin D. Grove, Arlington)
- sarchasm
- (And the winner of the two-foot-high baby bottle:)
The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient
who doesn’t get it. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
And the Honorable Mentions:
- necronancy
- Communication with the late Ernie Bushmiller. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
- Contratemps
- The resentment permanent workers feel toward the fill-in workers. (Kevin Mellema, Falls Church)
- coiterie
- A very very close-knit group. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
- Whitetater
- A political hot potato. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
- impotience
- Eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
- elepants
- Too-tight jeans on broad-beamed people. (Steve Fahey, Kensington)
- Lollapalooka
- Someone who has taken one too many turns in the mosh pit. (Philip Delduke, Bethesda)
- Auto-da-feh
- The extermination of heretics via drowning in a vat of pus. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
- stupfather
- Woody Allen. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
- reintarnation
- Coming back to life as a hillbilly. (Barry Blyveis, Columbia)
- DIOS
- The one true operating system. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
- inoculatte
- To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
- Thripp
- A bug. (Bee Perrin, Washington)
- Hipatitis
- Terminal coolness. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
- Writer’s Tramp
- A woman who practices poetic licentiousness. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
- Goodzilla
- A giant lizard that puts out forest fires by stamping on them. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)
- taterfamilias
- The head of the Potato Head family. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
- Guillozine
- A magazine for executioners. (Barry Blyveis, Columbia)
- Osteopornosis
- A degenerate disease. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)
- adulatery
- Cheating on one’s wife with a much younger woman who holds you in awe. (Joseph Romm, Washington)
- suckotash
- A dish consisting of corn, lima beans and tofu. (Russ Beland, Springfield)
- emasculathe
- A tool for castration. (Steve Fahey, Kensington)
- Sata
- A mythical being who brings toys to bad children. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
- burglesque
- A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate) (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
- Karmageddon
- It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right?
And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like a serious bummer. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
- genitaliar
- An image-enhancing object that can be carried in a man’s front pocket. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
- glibido
- All talk and no action. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
- antifun gal
- A prude. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
- vaseball
- A game of catch played by children in the living room. (Russ Beland, Springfield)
- eunouch
- The pain of castration. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett park)
- hindkerchief
- Really expensive toilet paper; toilet paper at Buckingham Palace. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)
- deifenestration
- To throw all talk of God out the window. (Paul Kondis, Alexandria)
- Hozone
- The area around 14th Street. (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)
- Acme
- A generic skin disease. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)
- Dopeler effect
- The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. (Greg Oetjen, Lorton)
- hindprint
- Indentation made by a couch potato. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)
- intaxication
- Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize
it was your money to start with. (Greg Oetjen, Lorton)
- Newtspaper
- The Washington Times. (Fil Feit, Annandale)
- Nazigator
- An overbearing member of your carpool. (Elizabeth Monte, Fairfax)
- Synapple
- A perfect beverage to accompany brain food. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)
- socceur
- The proper spelling of the sport for the next four years, alas. (Kevin Eade, Columbia)
- And Lust
- An unseemly craving for this position in the column. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)
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