The Stale Invitational

The Dopeler Effect, and Other New Words

Back in 1998, the Washington Post’s Style Invitational column (1999 and older; current revival) column titled “The Stale Invitational” (July 12/Week 278, no longer on-line) asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. The winners were listed in Week 281 of the column.

You may also enjoy reading the Style Invitational Losers Home Page.

Here are the winners:

foreploy
(Fifth Runner-Up)
Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex. (Greg Oetjen, Lorton)
fortissimoe
(Fourth Runner-Up)
The musical moment produced when someone serially slaps the faces of the first-violin section. (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)
tatyr
(Third Runner-Up)
A lecherous Mr. Potato Head. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
doltergeist
(Second Runner-Up)
A spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank. (David Genser, Arlington)
giraffiti
(First Runner-Up)
Vandalism spray-painted very, very high, such as the famous “Surrender Dorothy” on the Beltway overpass. (Robin D. Grove, Arlington)
sarchasm
(And the winner of the two-foot-high baby bottle:)
The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

And the Honorable Mentions:

necronancy
Communication with the late Ernie Bushmiller. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Contratemps
The resentment permanent workers feel toward the fill-in workers. (Kevin Mellema, Falls Church)
coiterie
A very very close-knit group. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
Whitetater
A political hot potato. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
impotience
Eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
elepants
Too-tight jeans on broad-beamed people. (Steve Fahey, Kensington)
Lollapalooka
Someone who has taken one too many turns in the mosh pit. (Philip Delduke, Bethesda)
Auto-da-feh
The extermination of heretics via drowning in a vat of pus. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
stupfather
Woody Allen. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
reintarnation
Coming back to life as a hillbilly. (Barry Blyveis, Columbia)
DIOS
The one true operating system. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
inoculatte
To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Thripp
A bug. (Bee Perrin, Washington)
Hipatitis
Terminal coolness. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
Writer’s Tramp
A woman who practices poetic licentiousness. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
Goodzilla
A giant lizard that puts out forest fires by stamping on them. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)
taterfamilias
The head of the Potato Head family. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Guillozine
A magazine for executioners. (Barry Blyveis, Columbia)
Osteopornosis
A degenerate disease. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)
adulatery
Cheating on one’s wife with a much younger woman who holds you in awe. (Joseph Romm, Washington)
suckotash
A dish consisting of corn, lima beans and tofu. (Russ Beland, Springfield)
emasculathe
A tool for castration. (Steve Fahey, Kensington)
Sata
A mythical being who brings toys to bad children. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
burglesque
A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate) (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
Karmageddon
It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like a serious bummer. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
genitaliar
An image-enhancing object that can be carried in a man’s front pocket. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
glibido
All talk and no action. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
antifun gal
A prude. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
vaseball
A game of catch played by children in the living room. (Russ Beland, Springfield)
eunouch
The pain of castration. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett park)
hindkerchief
Really expensive toilet paper; toilet paper at Buckingham Palace. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)
deifenestration
To throw all talk of God out the window. (Paul Kondis, Alexandria)
Hozone
The area around 14th Street. (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)
Acme
A generic skin disease. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)
Dopeler effect
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. (Greg Oetjen, Lorton)
hindprint
Indentation made by a couch potato. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)
intaxication
Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. (Greg Oetjen, Lorton)
Newtspaper
The Washington Times. (Fil Feit, Annandale)
Nazigator
An overbearing member of your carpool. (Elizabeth Monte, Fairfax)
Synapple
A perfect beverage to accompany brain food. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)
socceur
The proper spelling of the sport for the next four years, alas. (Kevin Eade, Columbia)
And Lust
An unseemly craving for this position in the column. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

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